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    January 14

    月黑風高變形後記

            為了要看今晚《月黑風高變形記》,在數月前已開始看《變形記》,雖然到今天只看了一半,但在今天早上我又看了《月黑風高》的一部分,加起來就是月黑風高變;蟲記了。
            認識《變形記》始於幾年前的一個舞蹈表演,那時已被變形記的奇特構思所吸引,最近知道原來卡夫卡也有研究莊子的思想,令我不其然想到莊周夢蝶,到底是蝶夢人,還是人夢蝶呢!
            至於寂然的《月黑風高》,簡直令人嘆為觀止,以他當年那個年紀能寫出這樣吸引的作品,我真的沒有想到,原來肥哥哥是那麼的厲害!
            演後座談會上猛人雲集,最開心的當然是見到大導陳栢添。莫兆忠導演說蟑螂是指那些不在正常人的狀態下生存又帶給別人負擔的人。我想我自己曾經是一個蟑螂,在大學的最後兩年,我自己一個人生活在一個狹小的套房裡,床是最佳的良伴,當時阿朗把我這種異常行為稱做「膠水症」,我可以黏在床上一動不動,無論發生甚麼事情,我就是不想起來,而當時的我在另一方面也一直是他的負累。
            在劇中有一句對白是:「你自己想做咩你自己都唔知!」有時人真的是會這樣,2006年我也在不斷思索「我自己到底最想做D咩」的問題,開始找到了一點頭緒,希望我能在不惑之年以前做到自己最想做的自己。
             不完全變態琪:莉香→美琪賴恩→蟑螂→林黛玉→2007?
                                        (高中)  (僑大)         (大學)  (工作)

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